Sunday, December 10, 2000

Well...Buddy died. My boy, my dog, part of my life. He died at the vet's. That's probably the worst place to die. He always hated going there. He should have died in his bed eating ice cream. Love ya Bud...

Thursday, December 07, 2000

Well, yeah. That's really all I have to say. Ummm....I should probably say something. I'm going out with Rich. He's really nice, but just like any other guy he wants something. Hint* Anyway, Luis is being an ass again in the Library. There's this new thing with me and these guys in the library saying that I could do 5 guys at once. It's a little joke that is pretty disgusting. Everything is disgusting. Also, some other news, my dog, Buddy died. He's been in my life since I was five years old. Everyone in my family was crying exept for me. I never really cry when a death happens. I don't know why. I cry like a year later. I guess I deny too much. Anyway, life is normal. I just realized last night how many problems I have to deal with in my life. I don't have that many. My parents are great. My sisters are great. I'm....I have no idea what or who I am. I am just another girl in the family. I'm boring. I guess the thing that would make me different from my sisters is if I got straight As, stayed a virgin until I got married, go to college all the way...and not get into any trouble with my parents. Now, what fun is that? I am just going to be another boring person on the streets. a nobody. That's really what I am. Nobody. Sometimes I think I can dissapear. Just go away and no one will ever notice. That's just what I am. Who I am. I want to stay quiet. but on the other hand I want to be outgoing and actually have a life worth living. I guess I like being depressive and shit like that. Maybe I'm just that way because everything around me is depressing. But what if I be happy for once in my life and accomplish somthing good. There has to be some way I can help. I guess I probably will never get a life of my own.

The only reason I want to be in the hospital with *** is because people there are just like me and they understand. Maybe everyone needs to go there. People think I'm weird. I love being weird. That's my goal I guess. That sound out of the ordinary, but yeah. Anyway. life goes on.

I am getting better grades...sort of. I am actually trying in my classes. Biology is annoying, Spanish is confusing, Speech is nerve racking, Ancient Civ is hard, and all the rest is just kind of in it's own little mess of it's own. I'm the big mess. goes on.

Monday, December 04, 2000

Well, life is life. Just last week I felt depressed as all hell. For no aparent reason. I guess because of my grades. I thought about what would happen if I actually did my homework. I got an A+ on my Spanish quiz. It felt really good. I want to work hard and get straight As, but I too damn lazy. I remember last year first quarter I got all As and one B. Then I remember in 8th grade I had really good grades. What happened? I think maybe it's because I went out with Nathen and all I wanted to do was be with him and talk with him on the phone. And I'm paying more attention to my social life now more than my school life. Maybe I should even it out. Even things out. That sounds good. Anyway, my friend Kristen said these words that some day I wish to say..."there is just something about him." Love those words.
Friday was very interesting. :) Stuff happens fast.
Well, I haven't typed in this in a while. Nothing really exciting is going on. I'm going out with a guy named Rich. That's the only thing that's going on. More later....